Statistically significant insults for the soul: p < 0.05

Author’s forward

There are days in which a scientist finds herself needing to express her “mean genes.” When an experimental control fails, when Reviewer 3 sinks a paper, when someone drinks the last cup of communal coffee and fails to make more, the time has come to use a scientifically accurate and statistically significant insult. Simply insert your target’s name(s) and enjoy. Readers beware, what follows may cause Impostor’s Syndrome^†.

^† Unvalidated research sponsored by the for profit Anti-Insult Foundation of America.

1. You are a lissencephalic australopithecus.

    

   

2. At the top of the bell curve, are you?

   

   
   

3. You are a few edges short of a node.

    

   

4. You spend a bit too much time in G₀.

    

   

5. You are the forgotten semicolon.

    

   

Peer edited by Marissa Cann
Many thanks to the Sethupathy Lab for the Insult Brainstorming Session!

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